Abstinence

Abstinence is the decision to not have sexual intercourse.

There are people that because of religious beliefs or personal choice decide not to have sexual relations before marriage and prefer abstinence. Other people, instead, think that being married is not necessary to have sexual intercourse.

Any of these points of view should be respected. We should understand and respect other's decisions. Having sexual intercourse is a free personal choice. Nobody can decide for you. There can be peer pressure but only you know when it's the right moment, when you are prepared, and with whom you would like to have this type of relationship.

Is abstinence effective?

It is 100% effective against pregnancy AND Sexually Transmitted Diseases (Syphilis, Gohorrhea, Chlamdydia, Herpes, AIDS, etc).

By the way, did you know?

• More teens are choosing sexual abstinence today than in the last 25 years.
• It's cool to say NO!!!
• "Virginity is a choice about half of all teens are making now and it does not come with the reputation of being a geek or a prude. It comes with an attitude that you're in charge of your decisions in your life." Quote from Teen Magazine February, 1998.
• A study of UCLA students showed that of the college aged students 21 and under, 50% had never had sex.
• If you're convinced that you're the only one who thinks waiting or putting off sex is cool than you're wrong: The majority (68%) of surveyed teens say that they are virgins.
• 87% of girls say that among their group of friends, being a virgin is considered hip. And 62% of boys say that this is also true among their group of friends." Quote from YM Magazine, 1998

Adapted from http://www.share-program.com/teen.htm

Questions and Answers

Q: How do I say "NO" to someone who is pressuring me to go farther than I want to?

A: It's always wrong for someone to pressure you about anything!!! You can say no, No, NO, NOO, NOOOOO!!! (Like a broken record) Or you can tell them, "I really like you, and I think you are great, but I don't want to have sex with you because I am not ready. Let's go to the mall or let's do homework or let's just spend time together." Sometimes it is easier to say NO once you have reminded your friend that you like them and want to spend time with them. Sometimes though, if a person is really forcing you to do something you don't want to do, you just have to RUN. Finally, if the person pressuring you chooses to break up with you, you have to wonder... Did they really care for you anyway? And more importantly, did they respect your beliefs and values?

Q: Abstinence seems kind of geeky, is it really OK to say no to sex until marriage?

A: More cool people are waiting until marriage for many reasons. Here are just two...

1. Studies show that couples who wait have healthier marriages, less divorce and better sex lives than people who live together before marriage. There is also more trust, caring and faithfulness. Sound good?
2. Young people who choose to wait to have sex often want to avoid some of the possible negative results of sexual activity including STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) such as HIV/AIDS, HPV (Genital Warts), Herpes, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis. They also hope to avoid unplanned pregnancy which can be tremendously stressful as the impact of parenting, adoption, or other options are considered. Often sexually active young people have mixed emotions about their actions. They may feel used, hurt, broken-hearted, lonely, angry, depressed, or even suicidal. Young people who opt to wait for sex avoid dealing with these unwelcome situations and emotions.

Q: What if I already had sex? Is it too late to start over?

A: It's never too late to make healthy choices. You are worth it!! Deciding to start over is the hardest part, but here are some tips to help you stick to it...

• Make your decision to start over
• Value yourself and your decision
• Stick to it!!!
• Hang in groups instead of being alone with your crush
• Tell your date where you stand before you are in a hot make-out session
• Show your love in non-physical ways
• Find support from friends and family

Q: How do I find support for my choice to wait until marriage to have sex?

A: Here are some steps to help you...

• Talk to your friends and family about your decision
• Hang with people who respect your choices
• Avoid drugs and alcohol; they usually lead to risky behavior. Listen to music, read magazines, and go to movies that support your beliefs and values
• Have your best friend do this with you so you can talk and support each other along the way. You may want to join a youth group that supports your convictions. Keeping support around you is really important!

Adapted from http://www.share-program.com/

There can also be big risks involved in becoming sexually active before marriage.

Did you know that...?

• Teenage moms and their babies suffer more life threatening illnesses and many more die from these diseases than moms who are in their twenties.
• 13% more 15-19 year old moms have these problems than do moms who wait until their 20's to have children.
• If you become pregnant younger than 15 years old, the chances of health problems are 60% higher.
  -- University of Chicago Children's Policy Research Project, l980
• Two-thirds of all single moms age 14-25 live in poverty.
  -- U. S. Department of Health and Statistics, l991

Adapted from  http://www.friendsfirst.org/factcosts.shtml

What can I do to stick to my decision?

Virginity With An ATTITUDE

-- Adapted from Teen Magazine 2/98

Choosing virginity isn't always easy. Here are some tips to help you stick to your guns.

• Make your choices clear. Tell your friends, tell your parents, and most of all tell your dates that you intend to remain a virgin until your married.
• Be proud of your choice. Although you may not want to get a "virgin pride" tattoo, virginity is a choice to feel good about. Maybe a t-shirt?
• Hang with people who share your values. Why put up with the hassle of someone who doesn't agree with you?

Adapted from http://www.share-program.com/faq.htm

Abstinence is choosing not to engage in sexual activity until you are ready. You can protect your future by making healthy choices and building healthy relationships. It's the cool choice, it protects your future and it demonstrates real love.