TeenSmart.net - Previous Questions

If you are underweight and want to gain, there are two ways to do that: increase your body fat and build muscle mass. Ideally there should be a balance and you should raise both. To do this you need to eat more and exercise to build muscle.
While trying to eat more, choose healthy and nutritious foods that contain protein and carbohydrates — things like meats, milk, nuts, grains, beans, avocado and whole grain breads and cereals. Keep in mind that eating foods that are high in fats and sugars (such as sweets, chocolates and fried foods) while they will help you raise your body fat, they can also raise your cholesterol and triglycerides which can be harmful for your health.
Exercises such as yoga, lifting weight, sit-ups, push-ups, “abs,” etc. will help you build and tone your muscles. Choose exercise that you will strengthen specific muscles. Aerobic exercises, such as running, biking and dancing are good for maintaining a healthy heart. Remember that it is important to do them at least three times a week for 30 minutes each time. Don’t overdo aerobic exercise because you will burn a lot of calories and you may lose weight.

How can I contol my aggressive behaviors?

It is very important to control aggressive behaviors so that you do not hurt the people you love. By acknowledging your aggression, you have taken the first important step toward correcting it.
Some things that can help you control your aggressive behaviors are:
•   Lower your stress level.   Make fewer commitments and meet your responsibilities with enough time and planning so that you can relax and do the things you enjoy. If you are stressed or in a hurry you are more likely to react in aggressive ways when you feel people are interrupting you. If you are relaxed and calm, those aggressive impulses will diminish.
•   Be conscious of the effect your actions have in other people. Think about how you would feel if someone hits, screams or fights with you in the same way you do it with others. A guiding principle for you to follow could be, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
•   Find for ways to control your anger and calm yourself.   When you start feeling angry, step back and move away from the situation. Try counting to 10, doing some form of exercise, listening to music, screaming or punching a pillow — anything that will release your aggressive feelings. By doing these things, you will have time to calm down before going back to talk with the other person and reaching an agreement.
•   Let the people you love know that you are trying to control your aggression. Share your action plan with them so they can support you and understand when you need to step away from a potential conflict.
•   Get involve in a volunteer or service project.   You will see that you feel better when you are helping others. You can get more information on the following link: Volunteer
We hope these suggestions will help you change your behavior. Remember to be patient with yourself because it takes time and effort to change long-standing behaviors.

In a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, as in any other relationship, the most important things are respect, communication and trust. Anything that strengthens these three values will help you build a healthy relationship.
Some ways to practice these values are:
•    Trust each other to talk about what you both like and dislike (including awkward subjects like sex). Discuss about what you both want and think about.
•    Respect each other’s opinions and space. Respect the fact the other person has the right to have other friends, spend time with family, and do things without you getting jealous.   Don’t expect your partner to spend 100% of his/her time with you. All these things are a reflection of the trust and commitment you have for each other.
•    Listen to each other and respect the times when one of you may not want to talk.
•    Be caring.
•    Share the things you both like to do and support each other.
We recommend that you to read the Health Theme about dating relationships

It has good information that will guide your thinking about relationship.

How can I become more intelligent?

A hookah is also known as a shisha, narghile, water pipe, hubble-bubble, among other names. You may know it as a “bong.” It is an oriental tobacco pipe with a long, flexible tube connected to a water container.
When you smoke using a hookah you are smoking tobacco — just as when you smoke a cigarette. The only difference is that the tobacco used for the hookah is treated with chemicals and extracts that give it flavor. The smoke passes through the water which cools it. It might irritate your throat less than a cigarette but don’t believe the myth that the smoke is filtered when it passes through water. The tobacco has the same unhealthy components as a cigarette: nicotine, tar, etc.
People who smoke using a hookah usually do it in a group and will often smoke for an hour or more. Studies have shown that people with this long exposure to the smoke end up with a higher concentration of nicotine, carbon monoxide and tar in their bodies. In addition, because the pipe is passed from person to person, hookah smoking has other health risks such as getting hepatitis or other diseases that are transmitted through saliva. You are exposed to the bacteria in the mouths of every person in the group.

When I like someone, why do I feel so nervous and find it difficult to

alk or express my feeling?

What can I do in this situation?

When you like someone, you want to make the best impression on the other person and get his or her attention. You pressure yourself. You start having doubts about the best way to act, what to say, etc. It is these doubts or insecurities that make you feel nervous because it is so important to you. You become afraid that things will not come out like you want them to. These feelings are normal. Most people feel them at some point of their lives.

Try not to pressure yourself or anguish over what you are going to say to the person. Start by asking about the things he or she likes. If you have things in common then you have something to share. If the other person likes something different than you, ask questions about it. Observe and listen to the person you like before starting a conversation. That way you will have an idea of what to talk about. Think of the other person as a friend. Give yourselves the time to get to know each other and trust each other. When you do this, you will feel less nervous about expressing your feelings.

There are people who cut themselves because they do not know how to manage or express strong negative feelings such as emotional pain, anger or frustration. They are unable to express what they are feeling in a constructive way. They are in so much emotional pain that they end up doing self-destructive things like cutting themselves (or it could be hitting, burning, or something else) to release those emotions. It might relieve the feelings for the moment, but it is dangerous because it can become a habit or an addiction.
Other people who do these things say that they do not feel anything. In order to feel alive, they produce pain by cutting themselves. They need help to learn to express their emotions in a healthy way. Cutting is dangerous. Besides the scars it leaves, there is the risk of developing an infection in the wounds, or cutting so deeply that an artery or vein is damaged causing serious bleeding or even death.
If you know someone who cuts herself or himself, offer your help. Go with the person to talk with a professional — a psychologist or a counselor. Suggest that when the urge to cut comes, use a red marker to do the lines instead (simulating a cut). Maybe use a piece of ice instead of something sharp. Other suggestions would be to exercise, write about the feelings in a diary, or call someone to talk about what is going on.

When you are on the street, it is important to be careful to avoid traffic accidents and to be mindful of assault.
Suggestions that may help to keep you safe from an assault
1.   Take only the cash you need.
2.   Do not wear designer brand clothes or jewelry. Don’t carry electronic devices (a cell phone, mp3 player, laptop, etc.).
3.   Avoid walking down dark or empty streets.
4.   If you think someone is following you, pay close attention. Go into a store and ask for help.
5.   Try not to go out alone, if at all possible.
6.   If you have a purse or bag, hold it securely and keep it close to your body.
7.   Keep your wallet in your front pocket — not in the back where it bulges out.

Avoid traffic accidents by doing the following
1.   Look both ways before crossing the street.
2.   Always walk on the sidewalk. If there is no sidewalk, use the left side of the street so that the cars will be facing you and you will be able to see them.
3.   Even though the light is red for traffic, always check before crossing.
4.   If you have to walk in a street where there is no sidewalk, wear light colored or very strongly visible colored clothes. This will make it easier for drivers to see you.
5.   Do not get into a car where the driver is a minor or does not have a license. Don’t drive with aggressive people who disregard traffics rules. Do not get into a car with a person who is under the influence of alcohol or drugs!
6.   Do not drive under the influence of alcohol or drugs yourself!
7.   Always wear your seatbelt (or a helmet on a motorcycle).

Just How can I make my friends respect my decisions and stop feeling pressure to do the same things they do?

You may feel pressured to do something just because everybody else does it. Maybe you feel that it will make you part of the group and that by not doing it you will be seen as different.   What you are experiencing is called “peer pressure.”   Many times peer pressure is negative. You may be feeling pressure to do dangerous or unhealthy things like smoking, drinking alcohol, having sexual relationships, racing cars, or bullying someone else.
Learning to confront and resist negative peer pressure will build your self-assurance, your self- esteem and strengthen your personal values.   By putting your personal values into practice, you will know if the things you are being pressured to do are correct. A good sense of self-esteem will strengthen your ability to say no. One way to avoid negative peer pressure is choosing friends who share your personal values. Friends like these will lessen the probabilities that your group will pressure you to do things you do not agree with.
Some recommendations that can help you say no when you feel pressure to do something are:
1.    Simply say no. If you do not want to be hassled, you can even blame your parents by saying it is something you are not allowed to do.
2.    Ask yourself: is it healthy? Is it legal? Is it respectful of other and of yourself? If the answer is no to any of these questions, then you have the perfect reason to say no and explain why you are not going to do it.
3.    React by showing surprise — as if you can not believe they are considering such a thing. Say something like, “You must be kidding!” or “You are smarter than . . .”
4.    Make a joke or change the subject as if you were not listening and walking away.

Why is it important to be faithful to my partner and not to have many partners?

Having only one partner and being faithful to him or her has many emotional, psychological and physical advantages. Emotionally and psychologically, by having a commitment of fidelity in a relationship, the other person will feel more secure about showing and expressing his or her feelings. You will build mutual trust and opportunities to know each other better.
Physically if, as a couple, you decide to have an active sex life and after doing the medical tests to confirm that there are no sexually transmitted diseases (STD), being faithful (plus the use of a condom) will give you added protection against any possibility of getting an STD.
If you want more information on what it means to have a healthy relationship, you can read the following Health Theme: Healthy Relationship

No contraceptive method, including a condom, will give you total, 100% protection against an unwanted pregnancy.   In other words, there is always a possibility of getting pregnant when you have sexual intercourse, no matter which contraceptive method you use. Of course, if you use a condom correctly, the chances of getting pregnant are less.
Some recommendations on the correct use of a condom are:
1.    Open it correctly. Use your fingertips — never your teeth, scissors or nails.
2.    With your thumb and index finger press the tip of the condom to get the air out before putting it on.
3.    Put the condom on the tip of the erect penis with the rolled edge out.
4.    Unroll the condom all the way to the base of the penis while holding the condom.
5.    Use a condom during all sexual intercourse (vaginal, oral or anal).
6.    Dispose of it and use another condom the next time you have sexual intercourse. Do not reuse it.
7.    To avoid spilling semen while removing the condom, hold the edge and remove it while the penis is still erect.
8.    Tie a knot on the end of the condom and throw it in the garbage wrapped in toilet paper.
9.    Wash your hands and your genitals.

It is a good idea to the use of condom with another contraceptive method such as the contraceptive pill or an IUD (Intrauterine Device).
Remember that the only option that protects you a 100% is abstinence (not having sexual intercourse).

Congratulations! Typically, not too many teenagers are interested in being more responsible.
In order to be more responsible, you need to be very conscious about what you are doing and about the decisions you make. There are things you need to do for others and for yourself such as studying, working, helping in your house or family, complying with commitments to a team or club, etc.   But, we should also talk about responsibility when it comes to making decisions — making healthy and respectful decisions.
Some things that can help you be more responsible and fulfill your obligations are:
a)    Be clear about the importance of the responsibilities you take on and the reasons you need to comply with them.
b)    Doing activities jointly with your friends or family will help you motivate each other.
c)    Set up a schedule to fulfill on your responsibilities. You can read about how to make a Study Schedule in our Health Topics and apply these techniques to other activities. You can find the information on the following link: Study Schedule
With a little time, dedication and effort, many responsibilities will become a habit and it will be easier to comply with them.   Do not give up!

Just because a relationship is over, does not mean that the feelings have disappeared. Many times couples decide to end a relationship because they consider that it is the best thing for both of them, but they still have feelings toward each other.

Because you were an important person for your ex and because you shared nice moments together, it is possible to feel that the love is still there. Your partner was someone with whom you shared many things. You may have developed very strong feelings toward each other — feeling that will last for a long time. This does not mean that you should be together, but it is still possible to treat each other with respect, admiration and to be thankfulness for what you had — to still loving each other but not as a couple.

If you are the one who ended the relationship, it is possible that he or she still has not accepted it. If your ex was the one who made the decision, maybe he or she is confused and does not know if it was the right choice.

Think carefully and calmly about your feelings and if it is right for you to get back together, have an honest conversation. Don’t do anything because your feel pressured. Find out if you are feeling the kind of love for each other that will make a relationship successful or if you are feeling love for a friend with whom you shared beautiful things.

If you want to know more, we recommend you to read the Healthy Relationships theme.

Friends of mine had a fight. Now both are asking me to not talk with the one.

I like them both. What should I do?

They are both your friends and you are free to talk with whomever you want. They cannot tell you what to do or use your friendship to manipulate you. Tell them how you feel. Tell them that you do not want to get in the middle of their problems. Let them both know that you respect their wishes to not see each other, but you want to continue your friendship with both of them. Make it clear that you valuable both of them and you cannot choose one over the other. It is unfair to ask that of you. Be firm.

Ask them how they want you to manage your friendships. For example, if you want to engage in an activity with both of them, tell them you will take turns inviting them to join you. Remember to make emotional deposits to strengthen your relationships with them and maybe you can help them understand their own feelings.

Hopefully they will understand and respect your position. Be neutral and do not take sides in their fight. Encourage them to think carefully about the importance of friendship.

Is it possible to have sexual intercourse while a woman is having her menstrual period? What are the risks?

Yes, you can have sexual intercourse during menstruation. The risks are the same as when the woman is not menstruating. There is less risk of getting pregnant (but there is still a chance) and more of a risk of getting infected with ITS. The bleeding makes the woman’s body more vulnerable to ITS. This is yet another reason why it is so important to always use a condom which, if used correctly along with abstinence, is the only method that will protect you from ITS.

During menstruation, a woman may feel cramps and diminished sexual desire. Some women are uncomfortable about the bleeding and would not want their partner to touch or see them during this time. Some men are also uncomfortable with the situation; others are not. It is something you need to talk with your partner about and make a decision that is comfortable for both of you.

Remember that beginning an active sex life is a big responsibility. It means making responsible decisions about medical checkups, contraceptive methods and the prevention of ITS. It also means knowing your partner and showing respect for his/her body, preferences and feelings.

Saving money can be difficult because there are so many attractive things to spend it on. Everywhere you go you will see advertisements telling you to buy something — to spend your hard-earned money. Here are some ideas that can help you save:

1. Be clear about your reasons for saving. Is it to buy something in the future? Is it to have an emergency fund? Maybe you have other reasons. By being clear about your reasons for saving, your motivation and willingness will be strong.

2. Avoid buying things you do not need, even if they are on special. Don’t fall for the temptation to buy if it is not something you really need.

3. Decide about how much money you want to save and how you are going to do it. To do this, you need to know how much you earn and how much your expenses add up to. The difference between these two figures is your savings. Read the health topic on Effective Money Management that explains how to make a budget.

4. Once you have determined how much you will save weekly or monthly, open a bank account and deposit the money regularly.

5. Leave the debit card at home.

6. Finally, if you need to buy something, compare prices, look for sales and, if you can, ask for a discount. Then deposit the amount you saved on that purchase in your account.

If you think that someone might hit you or is threatening you and the person is someone from your school, talk to someone you trust, like a teacher, the principal, or a counselor. When you talk with them ask for help to resolve the conflict you have with that person. If the person is very upset with you, you will accomplish much more by resolving the conflict peacefully. If you have made a mistake, you should apologize, but make sure you do it with a mediator (a counselor or teacher) present so that there is less chance that things will get out of control.

If you have tried to resolve the conflict with a mediator present, but the person is still mad, it is unlikely that the person will hit you because the authorities in your school already know about the conflict. The person will not want to get in worse trouble. If the person is not in the same institution as you, you can still look for help and advice from a counselor, a teacher, community leaders, your parents or family members.

If the situation is not resolved, try to have someone with you at all times. By asking your friends to go with you, you can avoid being alone. If you are alone you will be more vulnerable to aggression. The company of your friends will protect you. And, stay in public places to avoid meeting up with the person in an isolated place.

Remember that you have the right to feel safe. No one has the right to threaten you. If it becomes necessary, in extreme cases, you can report the situation to the police or change institutions.

Loving a person is an experience based on the knowledge of likes and dislikes, personality, life style, character, and shared goals and dreams. Given this fact, we can conclude that love-at-first-sight is not real because it is impossible to know someone in such short time.

It could be that this person was impressed with you and felt physically attracted to you. He probably liked you very much, but that is a far cry from being in love.

To fall in love and stay in love with someone, you need to spend time with that person, share and see how you feel with each other, know each other’s likes and dislikes, ways of being, habits, etc. All of these things can happen without pressure.

If you feel attracted to him, then you could ask him to spend some time together so you can get to know each other better. Go out with him, talk with him and get to know his friends and family so that you can decide if you would like him to be your boyfriend.

Before understanding the causes of urinary infections you need to understand that there are three independent openings in the female genitals: the anus, the vagina (through which babies are born and where the penis is inserted during intercourse) and the urethra (through which urine passes out of the body). Urinary infections refer specifically to infections in the urethra. Some vaginal infections can be caused by sexually transmitted infections which can also infect the urethra.

It is possible to get a urinary infection and/or a vaginal infection without having sexual intercourse. The causes are related to poor hygiene in the genital area or to the exposure to conditions that favors the reproduction of a fungus such as wearing polyester underwear that makes you sweat or wearing very tight clothes.

1. When going to the toilet, wipe yourself from the front to the back — from the vagina to the anus. By doing this, you will not bring bacteria on the anus to your vagina or urethra.

2. When taking a shower, do not use strong soap or vaginal douches. These can change the normal PH of your vagina and urethra which will favor the growth of bacteria and fungi. Wash with water and a mild soap and rinse well.

4. Do not hold the urge to urinate for a long period of time. By doing this you give opportunity for bacteria in the urethra to reproduce and pass into your bladder and become a severe urinary infection.

5. Drink a lot of water — at least eight glasses a day. This will make you urinate often and by doing this you will be cleansing your urethra.

Some symptoms of a urinary infection are a constant urge to urinate and a burning sensation when urinating. Vaginal infection symptoms can include itching, a bad odor, or unusual vaginal secretions. If you have any of these symptoms, consult a health specialist so you can get the appropriate treatment.

You can do many things! The most important is your attitude and your commitment not to use them.

• Good self- esteem. Knowing that you are special and unique will help you take care of yourself and make wise decisions that will not put you in danger.

• Know how to say “no.” Even though you love the person, you know that no one can make you do things you do not want to do. Peer pressure to try drugs will not have an effect on you.

• Be involved in extracurricular activities that you like and keep you busy such as sports, hobbies, etc.

• Look for support. Having parents or other adults who you can trust and who can help you when problems arise is important. Even TeenSmart with the Ask a Nurse and the health topics will give you information and people with whom you can talk about problems.

• Be conscious of the quality of your relations and the social situations you get involved in. These can have a positive or a negative influence in your life. It is important to make responsible decision and to develop friendships that will help you grow. If your friends use drugs there is a greater chance that you will use them too.

If you don’t protect yourself with a contraceptive method during sexual intercourse, there is a significant chance that you will get pregnant.

The potential for getting pregnant is different for every woman. It depends on where you are in your menstrual cycle when you have sexual intercourse. There are times when you are more fertile than others. In addition, some women are more fertile than others.

In adolescence your body is changing and your hormones are still unstable. This can cause you to ovulate more frequently.

If you decide to engage in sexual activity, you should be aware that there are many easy to get contraceptive methods that can help you prevent a pregnancy.

These are the most highly recommended contraceptive methods for teens:

1. Hormonal methods: These methods prevent the egg from being released from the ovary. They may also prevent sperm from moving up into the fallopian tubes (where the egg is released) or prevent a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus.

Among the hormonal methods are pills, contraceptive injections, skin patches, skin implants and vaginal rings that release hormones.

2. Barrier methods: These methods prevent the sperm from entering the vagina or from moving up into the uterus and fallopian tubes. The most common of these methods is the male condom. There are also female condoms and intra-uterine devices (IUDS) for women.

Hormonal methods (pills, injections) and condoms are available in pharmacies or public health centers.

REMEMBER: even though there are several contraceptive methods that you can use, the condom is the only one (besides abstinence) that will protect you against Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs).

Do not believe false myths — like that a woman will not get pregnant the first time she has sex. This is NOT true.

I congratulate you for looking for scientific and professional information.

If you want more information about any of these contraceptive methods, you can look for them in the Health Topics

What can I do to not get so jealous? Sometimes I have

problems with my boyfriend/girlfriend because of it.

It is important to analyze if your boy/girlfriend’s behavior has provoked the mistrust. If this is the case you should ask yourself if it is worthwhile to stay in a relationship where betrayal and a lack of loyalty are present. On the other hand, you should ask yourself if the jealousy is caused by your own insecurities and personal fears.

There are many things you need to dedicate time to. Besides your boy/girlfriend, you have a family, friends, hobbies and responsibilities. Dedicating time to other things and respecting your own time and your friend’s time to attend other business is part of the respect that a healthy relationship should have. You can not pretend that she/he will be thinking of you 24 hours a day.

The most important thing in these situations is to talk about your feelings. Tell the other person what you feel and analyze if there are, or are not, good reasons to feel the way you do. Many times when you feel jealous it is because you cannot find a way to let him/her know that you would like more attention or because you do not understand the way the other person shows his/her love. If you talk and agree about the attention you want, you might resolve the problem.

If your jealousy is based on your desire to be the center of the other person’s attention, you need to recognize that this behavior is not healthy. Identify the moments when you react with jealousy so that you can plan ahead of time how you will react. If you have thought ahead about how to behave, when the moment comes, it will be easier for you to change your behavior and respond differently.

At the beginning it will not be easy, but don’t give up. Changing a behavior takes hard work and perseverance. With time you will feel better.

From a physical or medical point-of-view, masturbation does not cause any damage to your body or your mind. There are many myths related to masturbation, such as that it produces mental weakness, grows hair on your hands, disfigures your penis, causes loss of memory, burns out neuron, causes frigidity in women, etc. All of these are lies.

From a psychological or emotional point-of-view, every person can determine, according to his or her own values, if masturbation is an acceptable or unacceptable practice. There are people who do not worry about masturbation and enjoy it; there are others who feel guilty. It is not worth doing it if you are going to feel ashamed or guilty. The same is true not only about masturbation, but also about other sexual behaviors. There is no good reason to engage in the practices if you are going to feel dirty or ashamed of your actions.

Remember that your sexuality is to be enjoyed.

Congratulations! It is a healthy decision to try to control this high risk behavior. You cannot change the environment that surrounds you, but you can change your own behavior and enjoy greater wellness.

It is very important to be clean about what you want to achieve. Remember that if you want to change, you need to practice daily. You can reflect on how you feel about your progress toward your goal and the changes your health and body are experiencing (like fresher breath, the taste of food and so on).

Here are some steps you can follow:

1. Ask for help from your school, health center or church. With good resources such as self-help groups, it will be easier to stop smoking.

2. Define a specific date when you will stop smoking.

3. Write down your motivations and your reasons for wanting to stop smoking.

4. Every time you feel the desire to smoke, substitute the cigarette with a walk, exercise, or any other behavior that relaxes you (such as reading, listening to music, good conversation, etc).

5. Choose a person who will support you – a friend or a relative.

6. Practice healthy habits and a healthy lifestyle by participating in activities that require physical effort and support your quality of life (sports, setting daily goals, studying, learning a new language, playing an instrument, etc).

7. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY! A good choice would be to get involve in a community service project

Questions from previous months